I find myself apologising a lot for getting injured, for being unable to do simple things, or even just for feeling worn out because of pain. I sometimes struggle to communicate what I really mean. I’m not necessarily apologising because I think it’s my fault. I’m more apologising because I’m not successfully dealing with it. This site is useful, it was shared on a support website that I’m on, and it’s made me think.
I don’t like the “men supporting a partner” because it furthers the misconception that only women suffer from chronic pain disorders. That’s not true. Things like CRPS and Fibro are more common in women, I believe… but men have them too.
Anyway, I often feel like the pain is “mine”. It’s a part of me that I can’t walk away from, while everyone else can. It’s tiring and exhausting but I can’t make it go. I’m often reluctant to share the burden of the pain, and bottle it up. I know my partner knows I’m in pain, but I don’t sit there and whine about it a lot. I talk about my pain and injuries, but I don’t think that’s the same thing.
Right now, after an afternoon of hunting through job sites and finding *one* job that I can reasonably apply for (excluding my ever-hopeful PhD application), I feel worn out. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours and it’s only 5pm. My throat’s swelling up too, which isn’t a good sign.
I’m so exhausted. Someone come find me a job?