Advice for living with loved ones in chronic pain.

I find myself apologising a lot for getting injured, for being unable to do simple things, or even just for feeling worn out because of pain. I sometimes struggle to communicate what I really mean. I’m not necessarily apologising because I think it’s my fault. I’m more apologising because I’m not successfully dealing with it. This site is useful, it was shared on a support website that I’m on, and it’s made me think.

https://www.naidw.org/groups/viewdiscussion/1195-23-tips-for-men-on-supporting-a-partner-with-chronic-pain?groupid=25

I don’t like the “men supporting a partner” because it furthers the misconception that only women suffer from chronic pain disorders. That’s not true. Things like CRPS and Fibro are more common in women, I believe… but men have them too.

Anyway, I often feel like the pain is “mine”. It’s a part of me that I can’t walk away from, while everyone else can. It’s tiring and exhausting but I can’t make it go. I’m often reluctant to share the burden of the pain, and bottle it up. I know my partner knows I’m in pain, but I don’t sit there and whine about it a lot. I talk about my pain and injuries, but I don’t think that’s the same thing.

Right now, after an afternoon of hunting through job sites and finding *one* job that I can reasonably apply for (excluding my ever-hopeful PhD application), I feel worn out. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours and it’s only 5pm. My throat’s swelling up too, which isn’t a good sign.

I’m so exhausted. Someone come find me a job?

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4 thoughts on “Advice for living with loved ones in chronic pain.

  1. Take care of yourself more than usual if you’re facing multiple stresses like this. Stress exacerbates symptoms as you probably know. I’m probably preaching to the choir. 😉 What have you applied for a PhD in? I’m crossing my fingers that something falls into place that works with your situation. :smiles:

    • Stress makes everything worse. But tea helps me relax, so we’ve got a lot of that around today!
      The PhD is in scientific education, looking at how technology impacts teaching in a lab situation. I basically want to help make teaching more effective, so our students actually *learn* stuff rather than memorising and forgetting. It’s a really niche area, so I’m hoping for not a lot of applicants – then I’ll definitely get shortlisted and I can really shine!! The application’s due next Sunday, so I’m still tweaking it and making it sound awesome.
      I admit, I do struggle with applications as I come over all English and self-deprecating. “Yeah, I guess I’m O.K. at some stuff” doesn’t really convince employers!

      • Lol! You made me laugh with the “I guess I’m okay.” You should say, those are my strengths…I’m amazing (or maybe something more concrete). 😉

        Very cool, I’m impressed, and that is definitely an area education needs help in. I was not well-educated though I was “gifted.” I grew up in Florida. 😦 I got my Bachelors degree, and I felt it was too easy. The only classes that challenged me were Mandarin Chinese and Human Memory (forced you to learn effectively while learning how human memory worked and the neuropsychology behind it). My favorite classes…otherwise, I often feel cheated and do not know basic things children learn in elementary school at times. I guess I could fix that. 🙂 One thing at a time though…anyway, I rambled. I’m excited about your area of study. :smiles:

      • Luckily, my mum’s a teacher, so even when I had dreadful teachers I still learns a lot at home. Generally my schools were good, but I was horrified when I started volunteering at the library and found 14 and 15 year old kids who can’t use fractions and don’t know how to research things properly. It’s no wonder there’s a high rate of youth unemployment if our educational system is failing them this much!

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